you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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