you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
