My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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