just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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