so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
