Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
