you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
