he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
