K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
