Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
