Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The best revenge is premature balding
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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