he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
