You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They took my balls.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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