the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
