Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
