I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hate all girls vehemently.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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