sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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