Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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