just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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