Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize