Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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