Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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