a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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