why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
