We're like a lot better than the average bears
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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