I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
