By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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