Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
