i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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