I smell stomach acid.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
