I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
