At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
