I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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