saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
