It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
