If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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