OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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