i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize