Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
