Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
