He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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