Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
