At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
