I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
