A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
