So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
