where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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