i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
