Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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