I'm gonna have a badass scar
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
