Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize