do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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