It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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