yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
