you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
