whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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