Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
