Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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