I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
