He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
