My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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