Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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