If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
