I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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