WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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