I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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