Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
