clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize