Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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