I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
