so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
