His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
