why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
