If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
