My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize