And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
