he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
